Ramblings of a madwoman (1)

trying a new thing?

I frequently talk to my phone.

I mean, duh… you guys know that. I post upwards of ten times a day sometimes.

According to Instagram, I posted over 400 times last month (static posts, reels, stories all included). So yeah, I talk to my phone.

But I also talk to my phone a lot, and not post it.

I’ve kept consistent video journals (as well as written - both physical and digital) for over ten years now. Longer, technically. I have journals from age 16, I have “confessional” style, longform solo-talking videos of myself as young as age 12.

Along with this, I voice memo many thoughts—sometimes thoughtless ramblings that will eventually turn into a song, or an essay, but most often they are lost to the endless folder of hundreds upon hundreds of voice memos, most of which to never even be replayed by myself.

Anyway, as I was getting into my car today, to go to Costco (on the worst day of the week to do so… Sunday), I found myself recording one of these thoughtless voice memos. Once I got into my car, and my phone connected to the Bluetooth, the techno-demon decided to immediately start playing my own memo back to me.

For some reason, I sat there and listened to it. Almost in a way of hearing it organically, because during the recording I was too preoccupied physically to actually process what was coming out of my mouth. At one point of listening back, I thought to myself—what the fuck is this shit?

What could I possibly turn this into? If I was going to present it at all, why not just the words as they were when they originated out of my body? Not because they’re impactful—perhaps they could be, subjectively, however more so because they are useless.

So as a form of further rejection therapy exposure, I may start posting more of these.