Hello everyone :)

I don’t really know how to go back to being my usual self after last week’s events… so here’s a demo.

This song is called ‘redlight,’ it’s a newer one which I’ve made a few demos for over the last couple days.

Had another session today with the musical magician in my life (aka Producer), it’s crazy to hear songs take shape in real time, everything is moving along on track timing wise (pun unintended).

I’m getting surgery in a few days, and I’ll likely continue to keep my distance from my regular social media activities for a bit longer (unless I lose my fucking mind). I’m off my pain meds prior to surgery, since they’re NSAIDs, soooo I’m essentially bedridden ‘til Monday, living at the mercy of nerve pain. Yee-haw!

Wishing you all a fantastic weekend <3

Listen below:

Lyrics:

sitting in the red light

you’re still out of sight

i think it’s gonna, think it’s gonna

be a long night

see you in the moonlight

i don’t have the time

to wait for you, to wait for you

to see the other side

i’ve tried to be

what you wanted

what you wanted me to be

i’ve tried to see

what they saw in you

they never saw in me

sitting in the red light

thinking it’s my time

i count the bills, i count my days, i think i wanna die

you don’t really know me

if you think it’s not my time

i’ve always known exactly what

exactly what is mine

i’ve tried to be

what you wanted

what you wanted me to be

i’ve tried to see

what they saw in you

they never saw in me

you are not who you promised to be

you are not who you pretend to be

sitting in the red light

you’re still out of sight

i think it’s gonna, think it’s gonna be

a long night

sitting in the red light

taking up your time

i think i wanna

think i wanna

think i wanna die

Hey, I’m Paris!

I was born with “lopsided tits,”1 and this is a celebration.

In medical terms, my right breast was tuberous, meaning the area was constricted, and it never grew.

Tuberous breast deformity (tubular or constricted breasts) is a congenital anomaly where the breast tissue fails to expand fully during puberty. It causes an elongated, tube-like, or pointed shape rather than a rounded contour. While not harmful, it can cause emotional distress. [1, 2, 3, 4]

I spent too many years of my life feeling embarrassed of my breasts.

I’ve had surgery.

I’ve gone through the hormonal changes of childbirth, and breastfeeding.

I’ve gained and lost over 100lbs, twice.

These are my lopsided tits, and I’d like to take you on a journey.

These are my lopsided tits before surgery:

I don’t have any images where you can see them together, because anytime I would photograph myself, I covered my “bum titty.” Unless you saw me naked in person, you never saw my bum titty.

These are my lopsided tits immediately after surgery:

I had never felt better about them. No longer “lopsided,” and finally I felt some form of confidence in my chest.

These are my lopsided tits during pregnancy:

My body was going through so many changes, they were (to be honest) the last thing on my mind.

These are my lopsided tits after breastfeeding:

I’ll be honest, I didn’t feel great during this time, but what is one to do? My nipples were three times the size they had ever been, all my stretch marks were bright red, I was swollen constantly.

These are my lopsided tits after weaning:

They were much larger than initially, and once again… lopsided.

These are my lopsided tits during my previous marriage:

Still lopsided, but in Greece!! I took this photo to send to my ex-wife, who (at the time), really liked my lopsided tits (allegedly).

These are my lopsided tits today:

Are you a human with a body?

Cool.

Your body is beautiful. Never forget that.

The unfortunate reality of that… it’s taken reaching a level of a totally different category of pain, and while this has ultimately led to finally seeking a permanent solution… I am now experiencing a pain level I cannot power through.

Yes…

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I spent most of last weekend re-recording demos to send off to a producer in a faraway land (yes, I finally caved and contacted a professional). This is one of the demos I recorded, and didn’t send, but kind of regret not sending.

You guys have heard parts of this song before, I’ve posted (I think) a few clips of me singing through one of the verses and the chorus, but I don’t think you guys have ever heard the full song.

I wrote this song back in December 2025, I think the lyrics very much give away the subject matter, so I won’t explain further.

Listen below :)

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I woke up this morning at 4:30am.

My internal clock is fucked up, apparently causing me to wake up earlier and earlier as the days pass. It doesn’t matter much what time I choose to go to sleep, I’ll be awake before 6am regardless. I try to be asleep before 11pm, in attempts to avoid midday headaches. I get them anyway. I don’t drink enough water; I don’…

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So, I’m typi…

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Names, dates, and identifying details have been changed or withheld to protect the privacy of individuals and locations. This piece reflects the author’s personal recollections and impressions, which may differ from the memories or…

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It’s true when I say I feel the safest I have felt in years. I can’t remember a time, at least since before my apartment fire in Brooklyn, when I’ve felt fully at home in my own space.

My apartment in Williamsburg (the one which burned down) was nothing special, but it was everything to me. I’d lived there almost five years before …

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I tear up when I browse through bookstores. Not in an obvious way to others, but in an excruciatingly nagging way, as if just a fraction less of self-control will send me over the edge - have me sobbing amongst the stacks of my local Barnes and Noble, or God forbid, in the trendy atmosphere of Myopic or Quimby’s. Crying in a chain books…

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I’m coming to you in the supine position, on a mattress, located on my soon-to-be ex-bedroom’s floor, and I am approximately 73% immobile. I have two pillows under my knees, and you (to me, you are my ThinkPad) are resting on my belly. I’ve just consumed half of an entire Domino’s pizza, which I will regret before morning, and I’m ha…

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I’ve lost a lot of function in the last couple weeks, and I believe I am in the throes of either some sort of burnout episode, or mental health crisis - maybe a mix of both.

I am trying, I really am.

I go to to bed every night with much hope for the next day, usually compiling lists of things I can do, places I can go, things I can create, practices …

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For a while, I thought even the forks in the kitchen drawers would disappear, eventually.

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I’m jealous of the woman who lives down the street. The one with three children, a husband, and a dog. We’ve only met once, and when we did, she asked me to sign her petition to have the city build speed bumps on our street.

Speed bumps are annoying.

I signed.

I imagine her husband loves her. I imagine her kids look up to …

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Upon reading this, a plethora of things happened in rapid succession—

One, I remembered I wrote the song in the first place. So, I screenshotted my response as a reminder to not forget it again.

Two, I immediately went to type out the lyrics and add it to the binder of songs that are going in the EP.

Three, I frantically scoured three devices (laptop, iPhone, iPad) for anything from the original idea. Voice note? Notes app? “Untitled 58” in my iCloud’s ‘Logic’ folder???

Four, I sifted through three journals to try to find any evidence, where finally I stumbled across the lyrics within the back pages of two journals ago, written in right to left format… for whatever reason.

After all of this, I found the original demo in my iPad’s BandLab wasteland.

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I can hardly believe I’m saying this, but volume 3 of GRLCHLD is actually available.

Officially, she’s on the online store starting at 9am Central, but if you click [[HERE]] you can get one a couple hours early (hehe).

It took me a while to get back into the groove of making the zine. I kept trying to set various deadlines for myself, ultimately failing…

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I’m off to a slow start today, but I tell myself it must be just that. Regardless of when I start, I must—the longer I delay the start, the later the day will go, but it must go. I must go.

I’ve had my phone on ‘do not disturb’ since last night. It was either that, or go off on a man I’ve been seeing, for suggesting I order myself a ‘lil treat from a pl…

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Always the same - roll into a small town, go to a thrift shop, but if I want to buy anything she gives me that look, the one that screams “your money is my money!” Quickly, I put back whatever secondhand item I’d momentarily fooled myself into thinking I’d purchase.

We never stay for long, her wanting to move on quickly. We always seem to continue the w…

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I can see myself on an island, far away—I’m puffy, and I’m puffing. I’m huffing and puffing my way up rocky coasts, I can taste the salt in the air, and I can feel my flabby arms chaffing against my bare sides. I’m wearing a swimsuit too small to possibly be marke…

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